World So Cold
by serina-phantom
Summary: AU. Long ago, the god Odin banished the god Johan to Midgard after banishing his lover Judai into the world of the dead, Niflheim. Judai now believed that Johan abandoned him and wants revenge. Can Johan prove his innocence and his love for Judai?
1. The Shadow is Alone

**Title**: World So Cold

**Genre**: hurt/comfort, romance

**Rating**: K+ for very mild language and slight violence (might go up)

**Pairing**: JohanXJudai (_spiritshipping_)

**Song**: "_World So Cold_" by Three Days Grace

**Summary**: AU. Long ago, Odin banished the god Johan out of Asgard and sent him to the world Midgard, world of the humans, after banishing Johan's lover, Judai AKA Hel, to the world Niflheim, the realm of the dead. Now, Judai, after being tricked by Odin into thinking that Johan abandoned him, wants revenge against his former lover. Can Johan prove his innocence, and prove that he truly does love Judai before Judai is dragged into Niflheim again?

Me: Okay, my readers! I know we have been updating and posting a lot lately, but this one is just to keep y'all entertained until a few more of my fics are updated, so no worries!

Lucy: This is going to be really short! Only four chapters!

Me: It's sort of angsty and really romantic and kinda depressing, so please read if you are in the mood for seeing Johan or Judai in emotional pain for a little while!

Lucy: Please enjoy the first chapter, you guys!

_**Chapter One: The Shadow is Alone**_

Late one evening, a young blonde woman walked around the library with a book in her hands. Her pale lips sported a smile, and her blonde hair bounced playfully in curls around her chin.

The book she held under her arm was the old favorite, Shakespeare's "_Romeo & Juliet_".

The girl smiled and swung her hips to the side as she scampered across the red carpets of the library. Besides the librarian, she was the only person in the library.

"I guess no one likes books that much anymore," the young woman said aloud.

Deciding that there was nothing else that she wanted, the young woman headed towards the door of the library so that she could leave. In order to go out, she had to pass a small area with a few tables and comfortable chairs for people who were reading or doing work in the library. It was quite a lovely room.

As she walked by, a young man caught her eye.

The young woman stopped and turned to see the young man, about seventeen or eighteen years old. He was seated at a small table near the door, and seemed deeply into the book that he was currently reading.

He was a strange boy, to say the least.

He had brown hair with two layers; a lighter layer on top and a darker chocolate brown in the bottom; and his hair was short in the back and long in the front.

His eyes matched his hair perfectly in color, though they were hidden behind what appeared to be a pair of reading glasses. His skin was a pale peach color, like most skin, and he looked healthy enough.

Despite the time period, 2010, the boy was dressed in a red plaid closed vest with a white button-up dress shirt underneath. He wore a black ribbon at the base of his neck, and the girl imagined it was a very subtle example of a tie. He wore a pair of brown plaid shorts that came to just a bit under his thighs, but his legs were covered by maroon socks that vanished underneath the shorts. On his feet he wore black shoes that looked like something from a school uniform.

The girl glanced down at the pile of books he had beside him.

All of them were on Norse mythology. The one he was currently reading was unknown, since he had it laying flat on the table and was reading it with interest.

The girl turned and walked towards the young man. "So, you... are interested in mythology?"

The boy ignored her and smirked as he skimmed over the book in his hands. "Hmph. It figures that he wouldn't be mentioned in any of these," he said with a dry, viscious laugh.

The girl jumped a bit at the boy's wicked laughter. "P-pardon?" she asked.

The young man glanced up and slowly shook his head. "It's nothing," he murmured. Ignoring the girl, the young man returned to his book and read on in absolute silence.

A moment of silence went, and the girl felt uncomfortable.

As she turned to leave the library, she heard the boy singing something under his breath. She turned as he started to pick up a bit more pitch, and sang just a bit louder.

He was still reading while singing softly. "I never thought I'd feel this, Guilty and I'm broken down inside, Livin' with myself, Nothing but lies," he sang under his breath. "I always thought I'd make it, But never knew I'd let it get so bad, Livin' with myself, Is all I have."

The girl gulped.

The young man sounded so sad.

He had a blank expression on his face, and yet through his soft song, he sounded as if he were going to start crying any moment. The young girl just stared at him and listened.

The young man kept on reading while he sang. "I feel numb, I can't come to life, I feel like I'm frozen in time." The young man closed his eyes and sang the next part a bit sadly. "Livin' in a world so cold, Wasting away, Livin' in a shell with no soul, Since you've gone away, Livin' in a world so cold, Counting the days, Since you've gone away, You've gone away."

"That's a Three Days Grace song, right?" the young woman asked.

The young man stopped singing and glanced up at the woman with a blank look. The woman gave a nervous smile and walked towards the young man sitting at his own table.

"It's a nice song, you sing it well," the young woman said. "Do you like the song?"

"It's all right," the young man said as he closed his book. "I like singing it because it is the only song that truly expresses me, y'know? It fits me so well that it's almost... horrifying."

The young woman frowned. "Isn't it sad... being compared to such a sad song?" she asked.

The young brunette stood up, took his book from the table and walked towards the door after pushing his chair in. The young girl, not wanting him to be angry, gave him a nervous smile.

"I-I see you like mythology," she said. "I'm more into romance novels, you see?"

The girl held up her copy of "Romeo & Juliet" and grinned. The young man eyed it carefully and then continued to walk by the young woman, not saying anything to her.

The girl turned towards him. "I-I'm sorry if I bothered you," she said. "I wasn't trying to."

"Wishful thinking," the young man answered.

He stood in front of the automatic door as it swung open, and he started walking into the night, clutching his book on Norse mythology as close as he possibly could, his body trembling.

Somewhere, deep in his mind, he thought of the man he once loved.

A young man with blue spiked hair and loving emerald green eyes. He was always a kind man, or so the young man had grown to believe. He closed his eyes and bit his pale lower lip at the memory.

"That's all love is, after all," the young man whispered.

Saying nothing more, the young man vanished into the darkness of the night, leaving the young woman to stand in absolute stunned silence, holding her romance book close.

* * *

Me: Aw! Poor guy! I bet you all can tell exactly who the young man in the library was!

Lucy: But what happened to make him think so badly of love? And what will happen in the next chapter? That, my dear readers, is the amazing mystery of life!

Me: We chose the song "_World So Cold_" because while thinking of the idea for this fic, we were listening to this song, and it fits the "young man's" personality and his history soooo well that we just had to put it in!

Lucy: So, please review and we will update our other fics and this one ASAP!


	2. Hel's Dream

**Title**: World So Cold

**Genre**: hurt/comfort, romance

**Rating**: K+ for very mild language and slight violence (might go up)

**Pairing**: JohanXJudai (_spiritshipping_)

**Song**: "_World So Cold_" by Three Days Grace

**Summary**: AU. Long ago, Odin banished the god Johan out of Asgard and sent him to the world Midgard, world of the humans, after banishing Johan's lover, Judai AKA Hel, to the world Niflheim, the realm of the dead. Now, Judai, after being tricked by Odin into thinking that Johan abandoned him, wants revenge against his former lover. Can Johan prove his innocence, and prove that he truly does love Judai before Judai is dragged into Niflheim again?

Me: The second chapter is finally up!

Lucy: Judai, as we figured the young man in the library was, seems to be in a state of depression for some reason, and we do not know why just yet, but we will know in this chapter!

Me: This chapter is one of the longer ones, since the story is going to be so short, and there is a lot of information that needs to be in this for the story to flow!

Lucy: So, please enjoy!

_**Chapter Two: Hel's Dream**_

"Do you want some more coffee, sir?"

"No thank you. It's too late for coffee anyway."

"Very well, sir."

Eighteen-year-old-appearing Johan Andersen sighed as his servant, Skilfner, walked out of the room after taking away his empty coffee mug. Johan had been drinking cup after cup of coffee in order to stay awake, but he just couldn't stomach any more of it. One more cup, and he felt like he was going to start throwing up everywhere. As if Skilfner didn't have a hard enough job.

When Skilfner arrived back a moment later, Johan smiled at him. "Skilfner, we..." he sighed and shook his head rather slowly. "Do you remember our days in Asgard? 900 years ago?"

Skilfner put the tray down and sighed. "I do, Master Johan," he answered.

Johan frowned a little at the memories of the golden fields, the massive halls that each god possessed, the animals that ran around, and the giant tree, Yggdrasil, that raced through the center of Asgard.

"I remember when you were banished, Master Johan," the servant said with a heavy sigh.

Johan nodded slowly and leaned back in his recliner chair, closing his exhausted emerald eyes with a sigh. "Yeah," he murmured sleepily. "I can remember that, too."

Truth be told, Johan was a god.

He had been one of the Norse gods from so many years ago, going on adventures with Thor, playing tricks with Loki, hitting on the lovely goddess Freyja, even stealing something from Odin, which nearly got him executed on several accounts, but always managed to give him a giant A in Loki's book.

Back then, Johan spelt his name differently.

It was pronounced the same way, but was spelt in a totally different manor than the way it was now. Back in Asgard, Johan's name had been spelt Yjöhan rather than Johan.

And back then, 900 years ago, Johan had truly fallen in love.

Loki, the Trickster god, had three terrible children with a giantess, against Odin's best wishes, of course. They were Jormungand, the Midgard Serpent, Fenrir the wolf, and Hel.

While the gods feared the two massive monsters, Johan took an interest in Hel.

While Hel was often written down as a woman in normal mythology, in reality, Hel was a young man. He looked normal from the hips up; lovely pink-peach skin and lovely brown hair and eyes; but from the hips down, his flesh was a pale, decaying green-white color. It was enough to make him seem like a monster.

But unlike the other gods, Johan thought that Hel was beautiful.

When they got to know each other a little bit better, and came on good, close terms, Hel insisted that Johan call him by the name that he had chosen for himself. Judai.

Judai claimed that he changed his name because he hated having the same name as the eighth world, the one that rested right above the world of the dead, Niflheim.

Both Niflheim and Hel were worlds of the dead.

But then, just as Johan thought that he and Judai could be together forever, Odin learned to fear Loki's three children, and had them disposed of immediately.

Fenrir was chained and banished to Midgard.

The Midgard Serpent was banished to Midgard as well, into the oceans, where he grew and grew until he was large enough to encircle the entire world and bite his own tail in the end.

And as for Judai AKA Hel, Odin took one look at him, thought him disgusting, and hurled him into Niflheim, where he appointed him as the watcher/god of the dead.

Johan, enraged with Odin, attacked him.

But Odin was too strong, and overpowered Johan. But Johan's crushing defeat was not enough to satisfy Odin. No, he needed something to really punish the young god.

Odin banished him to Midgard for 1000 years, making sure that Johan could never go in to Niflheim and see his beloved Judai until the thousand years had ended, but by then, who knows how their feelings would have changed.

"I've never stopped loving you, Judai," Johan whispered.

Skilfner glanced over with a slightly raised eyebrow. "What was that, Master Johan?" he asked. Johan slowly shook his head and looked sadly at the ground.

"It's nothing," he murmured.

Skilfner, dissatisfied with the answer, said nothing and merely nodded. His master had told him of a bad feeling that he had been getting, but the servant had dismissed it as nothing but paranoia.

He didn't know how wrong he was.

* * *

Above Niflheim is the land known as Hel.

The child of Loki, also called Judai by his own choice, had been named after this land since he reminded people of death, what with his strange colored lower body and all.

Judai had changed Hel into a world of his own choosing.

With the assistance of Shou, one of the dark elfs that lived within Niflheim, Judai had managed to temporarily break his banishment and come free of Niflheim, though all he could do was go to Midgard and Hel at his own choosing.

But this would soon wear off, Judai knew.

_That is why... I must hurry and get my revenge on Johan, for abandoning me_, the brunette thought, gripping the book that he had taken from the library on modern day Midgard in his hands.

From behind him, Shou appeared.

Unlike Judai, Shou had a strange mochaish tint to his flesh, and his hair was a silver-cyan color. His eyes were gray, and shone red whenever he was angry with something. He dressed in an orange shirt and a pair of khaki jeans, and walked around in bare feet. Around his ankle was a strange charm.

"Aniki," the dark elf said with a bow. He eyed the book in Judai's hands and sniffed. "You went to Midgard?"

Judai sniffed and glanced out the window. "What of it?" he murmured.

Shou merely shrugged and said that it was none of his business nor his concern what Judai did, and took a seat at one of the tables in the Hall Judai had made long ago in Hel.

Shou reached out and patted Judai's hand.

"It'll be soon, Aniki," he promised with a big smile. "It'll be in a short while. Johan will suffer for what he did to you. For all the tears he's made you cry these 900 years."

Judai nodded and laid his head against the wall, whispering Johan's name and tightening his hold on the book. He grit his teeth and glanced at the ground with a blank expression at the thought of Johan's horrified face when he saw him claiming revenge.

Shou sighed and folded his arms across his chest. "Come on, Aniki. This is a happy occasion," the dark elf from Niflheim snapped. Judai glanced away and kept his gaze on the ground, refusing to look at Shou. "You're revenge is about to be made. Johan will know how much you suffered. You could put on a happier face, y'know?"

Judai sighed and looked over at Shou. "I _am_ happy," he said. He looked at the ground with another small frown. "I just forgot how to smile a long time ago."

Before Shou could say anything, Judai set the book down on the table.

"We should go," Judai murmured.

He reached down and rubbed the side of his thigh, covered by the purple-magenta socks and the brown plaid shorts. He narrowed his eyes at the thought of what he had learned. Johan had once called Judai beautiful, but now that Judai knew the truth, he felt the need to hide the discolored part of his body from even Johan.

"Johan will be waiting."

* * *

Late at night, Johan and Skilfner usually enjoyed walking the streets.

It was a peacful time, and not a lot of crime happened in these portions of the night. Johan and Skilfner enjoyed walking down to the intersection that went two ways.

Tonight, they found it different.

"Strange," Skilfner murmured, running his finger over the dead end's wall. He glanced over his shoulder and pointed to the wall. "Master Johan, has this always been here?"

Johan narrowed his eyes at the cold feeling around him. "No."

Before Skilfner could speak, a figure appeared on one of the high walls near them. The two young men glanced over and noticed the young cyan haired dark elf perched on the wall, eying them with a wicked smirk. Johan narrowed his emerald eyes and crouched down, as if ready to use his magic and attack at any moment.

"Shou," he spat.

Shou raised his hand with a laugh. "I wouldn't if I were you," he answered with a mocking smile. "You might make _him_ angry if he sees you attacking his servant, you see?"

Johan's eyes widened, and he stood up straight, his entire body trembling weakly.

"Y-you mean..."

Johan shook his head. There was no way he was here. Shou was just making up another lie. There was just no way on all of Hell that Judai could be here. There was just no way.

Shou laughed evilly. "Think what you will," he answered. "I have a score to settle."

Johan was genuinely confused. "Score?" he asked. Shou flashed his teeth but said nothing, and merely looked away. "What do you mean? I never did anything to you, Shou!"

"Aye," Shou nodded. "But it's not what you did to me."

Johan's emerald eyes narrowed. Skilfner shifted so that he was neither behind nor in front of his master, in case something went wrong. "Then why are you here? I have no business with you," Johan spat.

Shou nodded again and fiddled with a lock of his spiked cyan hair. "True, true," he said. He stopped and yawned. "But I merely came to make _him_ a bit... happier, you see?"

Johan flinched again and growled. "How dare you..."

"How dare I what?" Shou called down from the wall he was sitting on. "You're in no position to be thinking yourself better suited for him. After all, I am not the one who made him cry for 900 years, now, am I, Johan?"

The banished god twitched and glanced down at the ground, trembling. "T-that's not-"

"Not what?" Shou snapped. "Not it? Hah. Idiot."

Before Johan could make any remarks or comebacks, Shou gave him a glare that would melt the ice in the depths of Niflheim. Johan took a small step back, hating the look in his eyes.

Shou growled and grit his teeth. "This is all your fault, Johan," he said bitterly. "Because of you, he can't even remember how to smile anymore! It was all because of you!"

Johan shook his head and looked at the ground. "N-no, that can't-"

"Can't what?" Shou snapped. "Be true? That can't be the truth? You're such a moron! It is all because of you! Because you abandoned him, he is a miserable wreck! He's been this way for 900 years! 900. Damn. Years!"

Before Johan could speak, a strange crimson ball of energy came from the skies and hovered right beside Shou.

Shou turned and stared at the ball of energy as it grew and formed into a human appearance. This transformation lasted about three seconds, and then it turned into a true person, with color and everything.

If Johan wasn't immortal, he would have thought his heart would stop.

"J-Judai..."

Judai frowned and glanced down at Johan. He turned is gaze away and lowered himself so that he was standing on the wall right beside Shou, who turned to him with a smile.

"You're kinda late. Did something happen?" he asked.

Judai stared blankly down at Johan for countless moments, and then slowly shook his head. "Not really," he murmured. His tone was so soft that Shou had to strain to hear it.

To Johan, seeing Judai there was both amazing and haunting.

He looked the same as he always had; brown hair, peach skin, brown eyes; but he was wearing slightly different clothes. They were the same white dress shirt, red plaid vest, and brown plaid shorts that he always wore, but he was wearing long marron-purple socks that covered all of his legs up into the underneath of the shorts. He also wore a pair of black shoes.

"Judai," Johan whispered.

Judai glanced down at Johan and just as quickly glanced away from him. His heart was pounding, but he couldn't let it. He knew the truth. Odin had told him everything.

Johan stepped forward. "Judai!" he called. "Judai, why are you-"

"Be quiet," Judai answered.

Johan stopped speaking and glanced up at the brunette. He noticed how pained and upset Judai looked, and for some reason, he felt guilty. He felt as if it were all his fault that Judai was like this.

"I can't expect you to understand anything," Judai spat.

He glanced down at the ground, and Johan noticed right off that he was shaking. Johan thought that he saw tears filling behind Judai's brown eyes, but none of them fell.

"Especially not when I know the truth," Judai finished.

"What truth?" Johan called.

Judai shook his head and refused to look at Johan. "Good bye, Johan," he said rather bitterly. "I don't expect you to follow me. You never did the first time, after all."

He nodded to Shou, and then the two locked hands and vanished on into the night, a red crimson glow encircling them before it made them vanish away.

When they were gone, the dead end that had appeared before them vanished.

Skilfner glanced over to Johan with a frown. "Master? Are you okay?" he asked. Johan shook his head and glanced down at the ground, his whole body shaking violently. "Shall we... go after them?"

"Yeah," Johan whispered. "I need to know what's going on with Judai."

Skilfner turned towards his master. "But do you know where they went, Master Johan? I mean, if they went back to Niflheim, then you can't follow him, anyway," he said.

Johan narrowed his eyes and glanced at the sky. "I know _exactly_ where they went," he said.

* * *

Me: Oh no! What's up with Judai? Why is he so upset with Johan?

Lucy: That will be discovered in the next chapter, or rather, the next two and final two chapters!

Me: Will Johan prove his innocence, and where exactly did Shou and Judai head off to? It can't be Niflheim, since Johan can't enter Niflheim or Asgard for 1000 years (about 100 now since 900 years of his banishment have passed).

Lucy: So, please review and we will update soon!


	3. The Prince of Niflheim is Alone

**Title**: World So Cold

**Genre**: hurt/comfort, romance

**Rating**: K+ for very mild language and slight violence (might go up)

**Pairing**: JohanXJudai (_spiritshipping_)

**Song**: "_World So Cold_" by Three Days Grace

**Summary**: AU. Long ago, Odin banished the god Johan out of Asgard and sent him to the world Midgard, world of the humans, after banishing Johan's lover, Judai AKA Hel, to the world Niflheim, the realm of the dead. Now, Judai, after being tricked by Odin into thinking that Johan abandoned him, wants revenge against his former lover. Can Johan prove his innocence, and prove that he truly does love Judai before Judai is dragged into Niflheim again?

Me: The third chapter is up, guys!

Lucy: In this chapter, the one before the final, we shall find out why Judai is so angry with Johan, and we'll learn about it even more when we hit the final chapter!

Me: This is a Judai-centric chappie, so Johan does not appear in it, though he's mentioned a lot!

Lucy: Here it is! Enjoy!

_**Chapter Three: The Prince of Niflheim is Alone**_

Hel.

The land of the dead right above Niflheim.

Hel was a vast and cold land, but not nearly as cold as Niflheim. There was almost no heat here, but there was no ice. It was a massive world of crystaline structures, large cavern-like places, and it was filled with souls of the dead.

This was the land where good people went.

Judai could come here as well, but only on certain occasions, if he had enough power.

Most of the time, Judai had to reside in the icy wastelands and the icy kingdoms of Niflheim, where the souls of the damned, thieves, killers, rapists, and villains lived.

The place where Judai had created in Hel was a huge room with tons of books on Norse mythology and a few picture books as well. It was a very cold and lonely room.

That's where Judai and Shou had vanished off to a short while ago.

Judai was sitting by a window, reading yet another book on Norse myths. He sighed and glanced over at Shou, who was sitting at the table, messing around with a piece of his hair.

"They always write me as a woman in mythology," Judai murmured.

Shou shrugged and yawned. "Maybe that's because you fell in love with Johan," he said. "And homosexuality wasn't exactly welcomed with open arms in the Viking Age."

"True," Judai murmured. "But Johan's never mentioned in _any_ mythology books."

Shou yawned and stretched, reclining in his chair. "Oh come on, Judai. You're exagerating," he said. "Johan must be mentioned in at least one or two mythology books."

Judai shook his head and set his mythology book down. "Shou," he said. "I have been alive for a long time. I've been in Niflheim for 900 years, the most I can do is read, since there is almost no one except you and a bunch of damned souls to talk to. I've had a lot of reading time. I've read all the Norse mythology books ever created in the history of the world. Johan isn't mentioned in so much as _one_ of those millions of books."

Shou whistled. "Wow," he murmured.

Judai sighed and folded his arms across his chest. "Y'know," he murmured. "A... long time ago, Skuld, the Norn of the future, came into Niflheim and told me never to despair. That Johan would come and rescue me some day soon."

Shou glanced up and pursed his lips.

Judai flinched and glared at the ground, as if he was going to start crying again. "That was well over 800 years ago," he said. "Johan never came, and yet, I never gave up hope."

"It's a shame," Shou whispered.

Judai nodded and ran his finger across the glass of the window. "That's why... when Odin came and told me that Johan never cared about me, it was so hard for me to believe it," he whispered. "I told Odin to prove it, and he showed me an image of Johan in Midgard. He... I... have never seen him so happy before. It's as if the fact that I, his lover, the one he promised he would love forever and always protect, was trapped in a cold and horrible world like Niflheim meant _nothing_ to him-!"

Shou noticed the glass on the window rippling, as if it were about to shatter. He preparded himself to duck if it broke, but didn't need to, for Judai calmed and sighed.

"That's why," Judai whispered. "I need to make him suffer as I have."

Shou sat straight and gave Judai a slightly pitiful look. "Will you, y'know, reconsider?" he asked. When Judai was silent, he contined. "I mean, what if this is one of Odin's tricks? You can't exactly trust him, you know?"

"I know I can't," Judai whispered. "But I saw what I saw. Johan was happy. He never thought about me once. He never truly loved me, otherwise, he wouldn't be happy without me there. He would be thinking about me all the time, especially after all of this if he truly did love me."

Shou leaned back and folded his arms across his chest. "Then, you won't reconsider?"

Judai shook his head. "No."

Shou sighed and stretched, cracking his back with a relaxed moan. "You may want to rethink this, Judai," he murmured. "If not, then the choice you make, you may live to regret it."

Judai turned away from him. "I regret nothing."

Shou chose to say nothing and went back to rocking in his chair. Judai closed his eyes and started singing the song that he had sung in the library with the same solemn tone.

**I never thought I'd feel this**  
**Guilty and I'm broken down inside**  
**Livin' with myself**  
**Nothing but lies**

**I always thought I'd make it**  
**But never knew I'd let it get so bad**  
**Livin' with myself**  
**Is all I have**

**I feel numb**  
**I can't come to life**  
**I feel like I'm frozen in time**

**Livin' in a world so cold**  
**Wasting away**  
**Livin' in a shell with no soul**  
**Since you've gone away**  
**Livin' in a world so cold**  
**Counting the days**  
**Since you've gone away**  
**You've gone away**

**Do you ever feel me**  
**Do you ever look deep down inside**  
**Starin' at yourself**  
**Paralyzed**

**I feel numb**  
**I can't come to life**  
**I feel like I'm frozen in time**

**Livin' in a world so cold**  
**Wasting away**  
**Livin' in a shell with no soul**  
**Since you've gone away**  
**Livin' in a world so cold**  
**Counting the days**  
**Since you've gone away**  
**You've gone away from me**

**I'm too young to lose my soul**  
**I'm too young to feel this old**  
**For so long I'm left behind**  
**I feel like I'm losing my mind**

**Do you ever feel me**  
**Do you ever look deep down inside**  
**Starin' at your life**  
**Paralyzed**

**Livin' in a world so cold**  
**Wasting away**  
**Livin' in a shell with no soul**  
**Since you've gone away**  
**Livin' in a world so cold**  
**Counting the days**  
**Since you've gone away**  
**You've gone away from me**

When he finished, he glanced back and saw Shou giving him a strange, pitiful smile. Judai flinched at the smile and glanced away. He hated when people smiled.

It reminded him of how he couldn't.

"That's such a sad song," the cyan haired dark elf whispered. "Why do you sing it."

Judai shrugged and looked out the window again. "It suits me," he whispered. "The lyrics match what happened to me and how I think and how I feel so well, it's almost scary."

"How so?" Shou asked.

Judai rocked back. "The first verse, and the second verse, they both match me because everything I know is a lie. I'm living all alone in Niflheim, you see? I have nothing when I'm there," he answered. "As for the chorus, think about it. The world so cold can refer to Nifheim. It's a world of nothing but crystals and ice. No heat, no love. Nothing. And the person who went away? It can mean Johan. My world's been so cold since I have not been with Johan. It's the perfect match for me."

Shou nodded. "I see," he whispered.

Judai sighed and folded his arms across his chest. "You must think I'm a horrible person," he whispered. Before Shou could protest, Judai waved a hand towards him. "It's all right, I know."

Shou sighed and was about to speak when a cold feeling washed through Hel.

Judai glanced up with wide eyes. "Johan?" he whispered as the feeling continued to resonate through Hel. It wasn't the feeling of a living mortal or a dead soul.

It was the feeling of a god.

Shou bowed and started taking a few steps back. "He's coming to see you," he murmured. "I'll leave you two alone so that you can talk. Find out, Aniki, if Johan truly abandoned you."

Without another word, Shou vanished and closed the door behind him.

Leaving Judai, the prince of Niflheim, the son of Loki, the god of the dead and the damned, to wait for the man who was his former lover to arrived as his heart raced.

* * *

Me: So, Johan followed Judai into Hel! But what will he do now that he's there?

Lucy: Will Judai accept his feelings, or will Johan be burned in the flames or rage and pain that burn ever so strongly within the eight world of the Norse gods?

Me: The final chapter, and it's a long one, guys, so please be ready for it, and we shall try and make it as good as possible! Sorry this was short, but maybe there will be a part two!

Lucy: Please review and we will update soon!


	4. The End of My Dream

**Title**: World So Cold

**Genre**: hurt/comfort, romance

**Rating**: K+ for very mild language and slight violence (might go up)

**Pairing**: JohanXJudai (_spiritshipping_)

**Song**: "_World So Cold_" by Three Days Grace

**Summary**: AU. Long ago, Odin banished the god Johan out of Asgard and sent him to the world Midgard, world of the humans, after banishing Johan's lover, Judai AKA Hel, to the world Niflheim, the realm of the dead. Now, Judai, after being tricked by Odin into thinking that Johan abandoned him, wants revenge against his former lover. Can Johan prove his innocence, and prove that he truly does love Judai before Judai is dragged into Niflheim again?

Me: The fourth and final chapter is up!

Lucy: Johan has come into Hel to speak with Judai, because he has no idea why Judai is acting the way he is! And Judai thinks that Johan really does not love him, which is why he's doing all of this!

Me: But what is the truth behind all this, and when will it be realized?

Lucy: Read on!

_**Chapter Four: The End of My Dream**_

Johan always hated coming into Hel.

It was a cold and unforgiving world, but knowing this, Johan felt much worse about what had become of Judai. Niflheim was 2000 times _worse_ than Hel was. 2000 times colder, 2000 times more lonely than Hel.

However, when he touched down, he didn't find himself on the cold plains of the land of the dead.

He found himself standing in a large area that seemed almost like a room on wheels. It was moving through the plains of the dead, where the souls of the deceased were dancing and living as if they were never truly dead.

Seeing as he was safe, for now, Johan glanced around at the room.

It was like a giant library; filled to the brim with books of all kinds and a few tables and chairs. Johan was half tempted to sit down and just wait, but he had to see Judai, and soon.

Johan was a little uneasy about moving around.

He was certain that the room on wheels was going to make his balance a little off, the way a trail or trolley does, but he found that when he took a step, it was like walking on solid ground.

The banished god took a moment and glanced around and looked for the brown-haired child of Loki that he had fallen in love with well over 900 years ago.

After about an hour, Johan couldn't find him.

He was about to give up and try to exit the room on wheels so he could search the rest of Hel, when he spotted something sitting at one of the tables in the far back.

Johan glanced over and his breath hitched.

Judai was sitting at one of the tables with yet another Norse mythology book. He didn't even seem to notice that Johan was standing near him, since he was so deep in his book.

Johan advanced and reached a hand to the boy. "Judai," he whispered.

Judai shifted in his seat and closed his book on Norse mythology. He slowly turned and stared into Johan's emerald eyes. "Hello, Johan," he said the name softly, as if it pained him to say it.

The brunette gave a soft sigh and slowly stood up.

"I was worried that we may never meet again," the god of death murmured, shaking his head with an incredibly dry, evil laugh. "But, since that fear's been avoided..."

Johan wanted to run and give the child of Loki a hug, but from the blank look that Judai was giving him, Johan felt as if the ice of Niflheim had come and frozen him.

Judai stared at Johan blankly for a moment, and then nodded. "I wanted to... welcome you properly," he murmured, glancing away from the bluenette and motioning towards a door that seemed to appear behind him in the room on wheels they were in. "I have been waiting a long time to see you again. Please, will you join me?"

Johan felt he had no choice but to obey.

* * *

Judai's idea of a warm welcome was exactly as Johan had expected.

The door in the room on wheels led Johan to a huge dimension filled with red and purple flowers. It was nighttime there, and the crescent moon cast light over the field.

There was a table and a bit of food in the middle of the field, and a few trees as well.

But Johan knew that this was all an illusion.

Judai was a god of death, appointed the job by Odin after he was banished, and all because Odin was afraid of him. It was unlike Judai to keep anything living in his Hall.

"It's an illusion," Johan said, poking his boot at one of the red flowers. "These flowers."

Judai pulled out a chair from the table and motioned for Johan to sit. "You think so?" he asked. He waved his hand to dismiss it and took up the tea pot and poured some in the cup and set it on the table. "Please sit."

Johan cautiously took a seat and eyed Judai.

Judai glanced over at Johan and gave him a very strange, distant look. It looked like he was trying to smile, but as Shou said, he had forgotten how a long time ago.

Johan took a sip of the tea Judai had poured and nodded at him.

Judai gave Johan the same strange look. "Is it good?" he asked, and Johan gave a soft nod again. "Good. I was worried, since I hardly ever get anyone to test my cooking for me. It's boring when you're all alone, you know?"

"What of Shou?" Johan asked.

Judai gave another dry laugh. "Shou is not like me. He is a dark elf," he answered. "He must return to Svartalfheim, the land of the dark elves, now and again or else he will perish in Niflheim's cold air. He's usually gone for a few months at a time, since he needs to regain his strength. So, in those days, I only have the dead around, and they don't talk much."

Johan gave Judai a pitiful look. "Judai, I-"

"Tell me, Johan," Judai interrupted. "Do you like flowers?"

Johan glanced around at all the flowers resting around the dimension that he and Judai were in. Johan knew that it was a false dimension, and that these flowers were an illusion.

"I don't really care for them," Judai murmured without letting Johan answer. "I like these ones, especially the ice blossoms that bloom in Niflheim, but I can never take real flowers. They freeze in Niflheim. That's why these illusions are as good as they get."

The flowers, or rather, their illusions, vanished in that instant, and were replaced by a hard, stone ground.

"This is what this dimension really looks like," Judai answered Johan's unasked question. "I spend a lot of time here, tending to a flower garden's illusion, but in the end, this is what this place with always be like. A cold ground. Tell me the truth, Johan. This place disgusts you. You're use to life, like in Asgard and Midgard. The worlds of Hel and Niflheim disgust you."

"Judai-" Johan whispered and paused.

Judai stood perfectly straight and turned his back to Johan. "I don't expect you to get it," he murmured. "A god banished to a place like Midgard could never understand what I went through for 900 years. You couldn't understand even if you tried."

Johan leaped up and knocked the tea pot over.

The tea pot clattered in shards in the hard cobblestone ground, and Judai flinched at the sound. Johan was breathing heavily, and he gripped hard at the table.

"Judai, what happened to you?" he yelled. "Why are you acting like this? Why are you hiding yourself from me?"

Judai flinched and looked away. "I-I don't know what you mean."

Johan walked towards Judai and grabbed the god of death's wrist. He spun Judai around, and grabbed his shoulders. "Don't lie to me!" he snapped at his lover. "You're hiding your legs, Judai. You know I know about how your lower body is discolored, so why are you wearing those socks and hiding it from me?"

Judai gasped and glanced away. He closed his eyes and whimpered softly, and for a moment, Johan thought that his little lover was going to start to cry.

"Because you're disgusted by me," Judai whispered.

Johan's eyes widened as the dimension around them started vanishing, and he found himself and Judai back inside the room with wheels, and he saw that it was still moving peacefully through the plains of Hel.

"W-what?" Johan whispered.

Judai snapped himself out of Johan's grasp and backed away from him as the library room changed into a smaller room, like that of a large bus, and it kept on rolling.

Judai sniffled and looked away. "I was starting to think that, after these 900 years, Johan, you had forgotten me," he whispered. Johan took a step towards Judai and reached for him.

"How could I have forgotten you?" he asked.

Judai gave a dry laugh. "Yes," he whispered and looked out the window behind him. "How could you?"

Judai slowly stood up and turned his back to Johan. He grabbed one of the hooks hanging from the ceiling of the trolley that carried them through Hel, and he forced himself not to look as Johan as he rocked himself back and forth using his heels and the hook. Johan tried to control his urge to go and give Judai a hug.

Judai sighed and glanced away. "You seemed... so happy without me around," he whispered.

Johan felt his heart skip, and he glanced up at Judai in horror. Judai still had his back to him, but Johan could see his shoulders shaking slightly, and Johan thought that maybe Judai was crying.

Judai closed his eyes to blink back the tears. "He showed me all the fun you were having," Judai whispered, and Johan knew that Judai was referring to Odin. "I refused to believe it. How could Johan, the man I loved, the man who promised he would love me for eternity, sit in a Hell like that without me by his side and continue to smile?"

"Judai," Johan whispered.

Judai squeezed the hook a bit harder and buried his head in the crook of his arms. "Seems you've changed," he said. "A lot more than I had hoped you would have."

Judai let go of the hook and walked a few steps away from Johan.

He glanced down at his hand, as if he were shocked by himself, and started shaking. Johan could see, since Judai's face was now visible to him, that there were tears building up.

Judai clenched his fist. "Liar," he whispered. "Everyone is always lying to me. My father, Odin, you, everyone. There's no one who cared for me when I was young. No one who defended me. Except you, that is..."

"Judai," Johan breathed.

Judai closed his eyes, and the tears started to fall, but stopped before they touched his cheek. "That's why I was so shocked when Odin told me how you really felt," he whispered. "I refused to believe him. I demanded him to show me proof. And he did. I've never seen you so happy before, Johan. You never smiled like that before. It... hurt. I cried for years when I learned of your true feelings for me. That you were disgusted with me and that's why you never came to save me. Odin told and showed me that."

Johan felt enraged.

Odin had not only banished Judai just for his looks; the fact that his lower half was colored a pale green/decaying color while the top half was the color of normal flesh; but he had made it so Johan couldn't go into Niflheim and be with him.

Odin had made it so that he could trick Judai into believing that Johan had abandoned Judai.

"Odin..." Johan growled.

Judai didn't seem to hear the man he loved whisper Odin's name with such hatred. He just kept his eyes closed, and kept his head lowered so that he wasn't looking at Johan.

The brunette sighed sadly. "To tell you the truth, I would have preferred never knowing that you hated me," he whispered. "I could have lived believing that you really loved me for who I was and that you were going to come and save me one day. At least that way, I was able to sleep some-what soundly at night. Now I'm always awake and miserable. It's impossible to sleep anymore."

Johan's rage was triplified. "Odin," he growled, clenching his fists. "I swear to you, when I get back to Asgard when my banishment's done, you'll pay for this."

Judai didn't notice that Johan transformed into his true god form.

He looked the same as he did when he was a human, only he was wearing armor. It was fairly thin, since a god didn't need much protection, and his hair was slightly longer and more spiked, and his eyes held more of a reddish tint.

Judai stopped trembling and glanced away.

He still hadn't noticed that Johan had transformed, and at this point, he really didn't care. He felt his heart thundering as fast as it possibly could, and he hated the feeling.

"That's why I read Norse mythology," Judai whispered. "At least that way, I can remember Asgard. Or rather, I can see it and see the gods as humans thought of them. It's... kind of funny, really."

Johan stared at Judai in shock, and the brunette turned and gave him a strange, distant look.

"But enough about me," he whispered. He shifted and forced himself not to look directly into Johan's emerald eyes. "There was... something that I needed to ask you, Johan."

* * *

When the trolley stopped, Johan and Judai exited.

The trolley vanished into mid air, and Johan found himself standing a cold field where there were nothing but flowers all over the place. Johan knew that it was just another illusion.

Judai gave a soft, emotionless laugh, and wandered into the flowers.

The flowers brushed all the way up to his socked knees, and Johan noticed how the torns on the flowers tore at Judai's maroon socks, as if trying to make him reveal who he truly was.

Judai spun around and turned his back away from Johan.

The brunette laughed softly again. "Johan," he whispered. "What would you say if I asked you to stay in Hel with me? Let's go on a journey into Hel together. Just you and me. No one but each other. For the rest of eternity."

Judai stopped and turned so that he could some-what face Johan.

"That... seems nice, right?" he asked.

Judai knew that deep down, Johan wouldn't go with him. What Odin had told him was true. Johan hated him. Johan would never agree to spend the rest of eternity with Judai, no matter what.

Judai glanced over at Johan and gasped.

Johan was crying.

Judai was confused, but before he could voice it, Johan walked towards the brunette. He reached up and wrapped his arms around Judai's body when he got close enough.

"W-what's wrong?" Judai asked, his voice trembling.

Johan buried his head in Judai's shoulder. "As you wish, Judai," he whispered. Judai's heart started beating faster and faster. "If that is what you wish of me, Judai, then I will."

Judai's brown eyes widened, but he said nothing.

Johan clenched Judai as tightly as he possibly could. "Just you and me," he whispered. "If that is what you want, I will personally damn myself so that I will go into Niflheim, and I will be with you forever, Judai."

Judai sniffled as tears filled his eyes. "I-I thought you... hated me," he said.

When he felt Johan's embrace tighten around him, Judai knew right off that Odin had lied to him. He knew that Johan had loved him for ever, and had never stopped thinking about him. He knew that this was the truth. Johan loved him. Judai knew this now, and there was no doubt in his mind about it anymore.

"I love you..." Judai whispered.

A single tear fell and hit the grounds of Hel, the first tear of happiness ever shed by the one who had been cast into the cold, cold worlds by Odin to be its god and keeper.

The tear shattered the coldness of the grounds around the two gods, and then swallowed them up in a warm light, one that resonated around them and transfered them to a place where they could be together, just a bit longer.

* * *

Above Hel, and even above Midgard, the world of men, there is a place where the sun is always shining.

The gods do not like to enter this place unless they need to, since Asgard provides all the joys they need in the world. But because no gods have ever come this far in, Johan knew they wouldn't be bothered.

This place is called Alfheim, and it is the land of the light elves.

Because of their combined strength, Johan and Judai were able to temporarily break from their banishment without Odin knowing, and they were able to enter Alfheim, where the gods wouldn't bother them.

There is a lake in Alfheim, and it is surrounded by a massive forest, where flowers are always growing. The sun beats down 24/7 in Alfheim, and no one ever sleeps there. It is so different from Asgard and Midgard and Svartalfheim and Hel and Niflheim. It is a land of its own accord, and it is a wonderful and peaceful land.

This land found Johan and Judai sitting underneath a tree together.

Johan was still transformed into his godly state, and Judai was laying with his head on Johan's lap. Neither of them was saying a word, since they did not need to.

Judai had taken his shoes and his maroon socks off a short while ago, and for the first time, was laying with his white-green colored legs proudly exposed to anyone who walked by. But the light elves knew better than to come and bother the two gods who could not be together until Johan was free from his thousand year banishment.

"This place is beautiful," Johan said after a while.

Judai gave a small chuckle and nodded. "It is, isn't it?" he asked.

Johan glanced down and saw Judai looking up at him, and for the first time in over 900 years, Johan could see Judai smiling. It was a true smile, too, the one that Judai had often give Johan when they were in Asgard together.

Judai chuckled again and looked out at the lake. "It'd be nice if... we'd be able to always stay together like this, wouldn't it?" he asked, his voice full of strange sorrow, yet a strange sense of joy.

Johan pursed his lips and looked to the lake.

The sun, the constant never-ending sunlight, bounced and reflected off the water's surface, making it appear as though it were made entirely of fine white crystals.

"When my banishment ends in 100 years," Johan whispered. "I will personally throw Odin from power and hurl _him_ into the pits of Niflheim. Then I will come into Niflheim and bring you back into Asgard with me, Judai. I promise."

Judai chuckled and nodded. "I know you will," he whispered. "I have faith in you."

Their moment of peace following those words didn't last very long.

Judai's entire body started glowing a strange white color, and Johan felt his body getting colder and colder with each passing second. He became alarmed and worried all together.

"Judai!" Johan called, grasping his lover in his arms.

Judai, though the fact that he was glowing such a strange color, just smiled. "It's over I guess," he whispered with a sad chuckle. "This sucks. It's such a shame that after realizing that you truly do love me, after worrying about it for 900 years, this is where it ends."

"E-ends?" Johan whispered. "What do you mean?"

Judai chuckled again and shook his head. "I'm not dying, if that's what you're scared of," he told the bluenette. "You see, I was banished to the world Niflheim, and I wasn't supposed to break out. I managed to, with Shou's help, but it was only temporary. In the end, I have to go back into the icy world."

Johan frowned and clutched Judai tightly in his arms. "Judai, I swear I'll save you from that place."

Judai smiled at him, another true smile. "I know you will," he said. "I'm sorry I doubted you, Johan." Judai frowned and closed his eyes, wrapping his arms around Johan. "I'm sorry I ever doubted that you loved me. Skuld was right. You will come and rescue me. I have no doubt about that in my mind anymore. But still, I should have believed in you. I should have known that you were always thinking of me. That you were always going to come and save me when your banishment ended."

Johan frowned and watched as Judai rolled over a bit, so that he looked as if he were going to fall asleep.

"It seems that, after a long time, I'll be able to fall asleep peacefully again," the brunette whispered, stealing one last glance up at Johan. The god smiled down at Judai, though it was a sad smile.

"I'll come rescue you," he whispered. "Just wait 100 more years, and I'll be there."

Judai smiled at Johan again and closed his eyes. "I know," he whispered. "that you will. I trust you." The brunette didn't say anything for a moment, and Johan feared that that was all he was going to hear from the brunette for another 100 years.

Judai settled down and closed his eyes tightly.

"Good night, Johan," he whispered, and then gave Johan one last smile. "I love you."

Johan's emerald eyes widened, and he closed his eyes and nodded, placing his arms around Judai and hugging him. "I love you, too," he said, his tone as solemn and as quiet as could be.

Judai let his feelings of love and joy overflow him, and then he let the darkness take over his mind.

And then he fell asleep.

* * *

As soon as he was asleep, Judai's body started to vanish.

Johan became worried, but knew that it was because Judai was heading back to Niflheim. His banishment could be prolonged no longer. He had to go back before Lord knows what Odin would do to him.

Johan clung to the sleeping brunette as long as he could, until Judai had completely vanished from his arms.

When he was all alone in the world of the light elves, in the world of Alfheim, Johan stood up and wiped his unshed tears. He had refused to let himself cry. That wasn't the thing that he had wanted Judai to see just before he went back to Niflheim. The loving feelings that they had shared would keep Judai warm in Niflheim for another 100 years, until Johan came and rescued him.

The bluenette god glanced up at the skies and narrowed his emerald eyes.

"Hear me, Odin!" he shouted.

Johan was unsure if Odin truely could hear him, but he knew that somewhere, the king of the gods was probably trembling in terror. He knew that Johan was angry, and he must have known that Johan was going to make him pay.

"In 100 years time, my banishment will be over!" Johan called to the skies. "And when it is, the first place I am going is Asgard! I'm going to rip you from your throne and rescue Judai!"

Johan clenched his fists and threw is head back to shout to the heavens.

"I swear on the holy tree Yggdrasill that you'll be the one in Niflheim for the rest of eternity, Odin, not Judai!" the bluenette shouted. "I swear on the nine worlds that I will defeat you!"

Johan knew in that instant that Odin had heard him.

He also knew that somewhere in the cold, cold worlds of Niflheim, Judai was laying peacefully in his bed, a true smile, the very same that Judai had forgotten how to do 900 years ago, resting on his lips.

* * *

Me: Waaagh! It's so depressing and yet soo happy at the same time! -_starts crying harder and clutching my spiritshipping plushies_- Poor Judai and Johan! Why must I always torture them so?

Lucy: Because you're evil? But don't worry, if there's a part two, they'll be together soon.

Me: -_sniffles_- Let's hope so! And if there is a part two, then every one of my readers will recieve spiritshipping plushies and cookies! Provided I improve on my baking skills!

Lucy: Please review and let us know if you want a part two where Johan's 100 years are up!


End file.
